I once worked with someone who was always late. His idea of being on time was leaving the office when he was supposed to be at the meeting. It drove me crazy. I knew others who had great ideas, but they never implemented them. The concept was great, but they just couldn’t get it together to make it happen. What is going on?
Showing Category: Conflict Resolution
I recently made a presentation for an organization that was having conflict among it’s clerical staff. We used a combination of whole brain preferences and generational differences to understand the source of the conflict.
As families gather at this time of year, I am frequently asked how to resolve family conflicts. The dispute may focus on when and where to gather. Relatives may dredge up old hurts from the past, while others may just be obnoxious. What can we do to reduce these hassles to make the holidays more enjoyable?
Sometimes the same thorny issues keep coming up every year. What do I do to avoid it?
Most people typically get defensive and angry when someone challenges them. They intensely state why their challenger is misguided. But that hasn’t worked has it. Humorous comments can go a long way to diffusing thorny issues if done right. But be sure the humor is not an underhanded put down.
I was at a CEOSpace conference this past week when we heard the shocking news of the mass shootings at Sandy Hook, CT. It was an interesting place to be when the news broke because people representing every viewpoint were gathered. We had people who manufactured modified rapid fire weapons so they were smaller ( and could more easily be hidden), to people who advocated banning all weapons. Through it all I found that people discounted information that disagreed with their own position and attended to information that supported their own position. (This is typical in conflict situations worldwide.) For example, I had a discussion with one man who believed that the way to prevent future school shootings is to arm the teachers so they could shoot back if someone attacked. He pointed out that the shooting stops when someone shoots back at the gunman. However, the discussion came to a screeching halt when I pointed out that many fatalities occur in the home when small children get their parent’s guns. Surely, the same would happen in the school when small children find the gun. If the teachers locked the guns in a cabinet, the guns would not be available when needed. If the guns were not locked, a teenager who is mad at his/her teacher could just steal their gun and shoot them. As a result we would have even more shootings.
Will you encounter any conflict in your relationships over the holidays?
Would you like to talk so people listen and listen so people talk?
Would you like to zap conflict in your family now?
The 4 time award winning book, Don’t Carve the Turkey with a Chainsaw: Resolving Family Conflict will be officially launching Wednesday, Nov.14. On that day only, you may purchase the dispute resolution book through
The Living Now Book Awards just announced that Don’t Carve the Turkey with a Chainsaw: Resolving Family Conflict tied for the gold medal in the Family Parenting category. This is the fourth book award, the book has won in 2012! Other competitions the book won include:
The National Indie Excellence Award: Relationship category
The Sponsors Award: One of the top 8 books in all categories
The Global eBooks Award: Parenting Family Category.
I am excited and humbled to announce that last week my book, Don’t Carve the Turkey with a Chainsaw: Resolving Family Conflict won the Global eBook Awards in the Parenting/Family Nonfiction category. This is the third national or international book award the book has received in 2012.
As an expert in conflict resolution, I still found myself searching for better ways to handle conflict, particularly when my son was a teenager. So I took a year to research the topic, finding subtle morsels of wisdom that might influence the outcome of important conversations. I began to practice them, tentatively at first, and then more confidently. I found that when I changed my approach, my discussion partner’s also changed even if they did not know the principles.
I live 7-10 miles west of the Aurora shootings where 12 people were shot, and 52 were injured. I live about 7 miles east of the Columbine shootings. In each case I heard an outcry, “How could this happen in our community?” Indeed, this is the exception in the 19 years I have lived here. It is not typical of those who live in the Denver metropolitan area, or any other area where shootings have occurred.
It is with profound sadness that I learned of Steven Covey’s recent death. As a cyclist, it is disturbing that complications from a bicycle accident were the cause. At this time of worldwide loss it may be appropriate to recall the seven habits of effective people.
- Be proactive: take initiative and responsibility
- Begin with the end in mind: clarify your values and goals
- Put first things first: prioritize
- Think win/win: strive for mutually beneficial solutions
- Seek first to understand then to be understood: listening to others first creates respect
As I write, the High Park fire burns 15-20 miles from our mountain house. This is the third largest fire in Colorado history and so far has burned 46,600 acres. Over 1,000 fire fighters are battling the blaze and it is only 10% contained.
It strikes me that wild fires and conflicts have a lot in common.
- Sometimes a small insignificant spark that has been smoldering for days sets off a horrendous blaze that destroys everything people have worked years to build.
- The heat rises as the fire builds, just as the conversation becomes heated during conflict.