It is easy for teachers to get caught in power struggles  with their students, particularly students frequently referred for discipline problems.   However, Gregory & Ripski (2008) found that when teachers made a conscious effort to develop a relationship with discipline referred students, the students had greater trust in their teacher, and reported less defiant behavior.  Gregory  & Weinstein (2008) also found that African American students  behaved less defiantly and more cooperatively with authority figures they perceived figures as trustworthy. Furthermore, Meehan, Hughes, and Cavell, 2003 found that the strength of positive relationship with the teacher in second grade had a stronger effect in predicting lower aggression a year later for Black children than White children. Clearly building a positive relationship with your students is crucial, but many teachers wonder how to establish a relationship with difficult students, particularly those with whom they have little in common.  Even if they agree that they need to do it, they complain that they don’t have time to develop these relationships.  Here are some suggestions to build rapport with students that require very little time.  All of these suggestions will not be appropriate for every grade level or situation.  Pick and choose what works for you.

Ways for Teachers to Build Relationships

• Where safe to do so, post pictures of your family, friends, dog, or of students doing something outside of schoool.  When I rented condos, I had owners post family pictures in the units to reduce damage.  It worked because people viewed the rental unit as some’s home, and took better care of it.  Similarly, posting pictures of you doing something outside of class, establishes you as a person, not just an authority figure.

• Greet students at the door with sincere questions or nonjudgemental observations that show you are interested in them.  (“I noticed that you seem down today”,  “Great game last night”)

• Handshake, High 5, How are you, Hello.

• Smile:  don’t wait until you feel good , smile and good feelings will follow.

• Give a problem student 2 minutes where you express an interest in them, not about school work, for 10 days.

• At the beginning of the first class period have the students write their favorite TV show, music group, sport, etc.  Then relate your lessons to this information

• Send notes of appreciation when appropriate.  Priasing high school students in front of their peers may backfire (teacher’s pet), but a small note quietly slipped to them can show that they are appreciated.

  • “You are focusing really well”

  • “Hang in there.  The period is almost over”

  • “Thanks for coming to class.  I miss you when you are gone”

• Ask student’s opinions.  Students often feel powerless.  They will be more cooperative if we can give them power. 

• Give choices.  a study showed that homework completion increased substantially when students were given the choice of doing the odd or the even problems from 1-40 rahter than being told to do problems 1-20. 

• Play their music occasionally, but.be sure you understand lyrics and they are acceptable for school.

• Acknowledge personal imperfections.

• Attend or Chaperone after- school events, and interact with the student .

• Thank them for cooperating even before they have done so.

• Comment on unusual writing or drawings

• Think aloud

• Create nicknames

  • SAM = Successful, Able, Mature
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• Provide adequate wait time when asking questions.  Typically, teachers  wait only 1 second before they comment to help the student, or ask another student to respond. Mendler says to  wait at least 10 seconds.  We find that student responses improve, and we get greater participation when we wait longer, but you may need to count to 10 to resist the urge to jump in too quickly.
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• Eat lunch in cafeteria with disconnected student
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• Comment on their mood

• Notice their absence with phone, email,  or note

• Post inspirational messages

  •  “I can’t control the wind, but I can adjust my sails”

  • “Stuff happens, but I don’t have to step  in it”

  • “Failure is good because it shows me one more way that doesn’t work”
• Protect them from disrespectful behavior (e’g’ bullying)

• Laugh and have fun together

• Make sure you have at least 4 positive to 1 negative comments to that student.