I once knew a couple whose child did not find his homework the highlight of his day. Each day they struggled to force him to do his homework. They threatened him with no TV, and grounded him, but no amount of coercion could get him to do his homework. Finally, after much bickering, he relented and answered the questions. But what happened when he took the test at school the next day? The teacher reported that he answered “D” on every multiple choice question. Who really had the power? How could it have been handled to obtain a more desirable solution? Do you have similar situations?
It turns out that power is like the current in a rapidly flowing river. It is fluid and constantly changing. One minute you are in charge of what happens, and the next you are left wondering what happened. If you don’t believe me, just ask a politician, or the parent of an adolescent. White water kayakers know this. The current on the outside of a curve flows faster than it does on the inside of the curve. The current behind a large rock actually flows upstream! If you have the skill, you can use the upstream current to your advantage to rest behind the rock, or effortlessly wait for others to join you. But there is a tricky transition point in the river where the downstream current meets the upstream current behind the rock. If you don’t know what you are doing, or don’t anticipate it, you will capsize when you cross the line where the currents change. Small adjustments are the difference between success and failure. Similarly, we all have the ability to anticipate conflict and power struggles that we encounter in the currents of everyday living. If we are flexible and know how to use the current to our advantage, we can create an exhilarating ride on the white waters of life. If we fail to learn effective conflict resolution strategies, and don’t effectively deal with the challenging cross currents of our life, the ride can be turbulent indeed! Is it worth the time to learn to effectively deal with interpersonal conflict?
