I can’t get my teenage son, John, to bed at a reasonable time.  My evening always ends with a fight with him that leaves me frazzled, and furious.  What can I do?

Eloise

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Hi Eloise,

You don’t state what age John is or how late he stays up.  As a general rule, teenagers need about 8 hours of sleep to function well.  However, few of them get that much.  One reason is that certain chemicals in the brain take longer kick in during adolescence delaying the time adolescents get sleepy.  At the same time high schools typically start earlier for adolescents so the teens can engage in sports, jobs, and extracurricular activities after school. Frequently adolescents who go to bed late also have difficulty getting up in the morning, resulting in another fight.  Another characteristic of typical adolescents is that they like to be in charge of their life.

With this information in mind, one successful way to address bedtime fights is to give your son the choice of when he goes to bed within certain parameters, with the agreement that whatever time he chooses, he must get up in time to get to school without a hassle.  It is likely that the first night he will choose a bedtime that is too late for him to arise refreshed in the morning.  In the morning, you can sympathize with his plight, but remind him that it was his choice, and perhaps he will need to go to bed earlier the next night.  It may take several nights before he finds the time that is right for him, but you have avoided the fight each night, and he is learning self-control.

Dr. Frame