Today we witnessed a lose/lose situation as the US congress committee failed to agree to a deficit reduction plan in time to be passed by Wednesday.  What happened?  While I have no inside knowledge of the proceedings, based on newspaper accounts, it appears that both sides adopted a “competitive” style of conflict resolution. They were concerned about meeting their own goals no matter what.  Winning was everything.  As a result they lost big time.  In my book Don’t Carve the Turkey with a Chainsaw: Resolving Family Conflict, I state that competitive people typically ask for more than they expect to get, exaggerate the value of an concessions they make, while minimizing the value of concession conceded by their opponent.  Most competitive people do not experience their behavior as aggressive, coercive, or offensive.  Rather, they believe they are upholding their standards or protecting others.  Does this sound familiar?

I once toured the St Louis Arch.  As I rode up the cramped elevator, I could feel the arch swaying in the wind.  This did not make me feel very secure.  However, a security guard informed me that the arch was built to sway in the wind. If there was no flexibility, it would snap.  The same holds true for trees.  If they lack sufficient strength, they will just flop over in the wind.  But if they have no flexibility, they easily snap in the wind.  In the hurricane of this financial crisis, a rigid tree won’t have a chance.  It will snap.  It appears that congress has snapped.